My kid's in the cupboard: Archive

Movin' On Up

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Jan 18th

Happy? New Year

Well, so far 2009 has been shitty. No other way to put it. Had my colon scoped New Year’s Eve, figured the clean-out would do me some good, thought I could start the new year fresh, healthy. I did not realize that the cleansing would continue for 4 more days! On the upside, the doctor said there’s nothing serious going on; apparently, I’m just literally full of shit, and I need...

Jan 4th

ad nauseous

Ok, I’ve been nauseous for a little more than a week now. Nope, not pregnant. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me. When I eat, I feel better, but about 20 minutes after stuffing my face, it’s back to the queasies. I’ve tried all sorts of shit to make it go away, but it won’t let up. I just want to sleep, because that’s the only time I’m not on the...

Dec 7th

Dec 4th

Dec 3rd

Nov 25th

Fissure

Quick - On what date was the Declaration of Independence drafted and signed by Thomas Jefferson? On what date do we celebrate Independence Day? If you guessed Oct. 10, 1768, you’re wrong. I don’t know how many of my 11th-grade students didn’t know the answer to this question. We declared our independence from fucking Britain! We celebrate it every year! It’s the most...

Nov 25th

Neutral

I was editing my facebook profile, and when it came time to fill in the empty box in which to write my “Interests,” I was stumped. I’m so uninspired anymore, and I think it’s because of my age. A month from now I will be 34. When I get in moods like this, I try to remember what used to really stir me, what truly gave me pleasure. I think of music, of going to shows, of...

Nov 22nd

Nov 21st

Devout Contempt

So, I gave my stoods a quiz on “The Crucible” today, and one of the questions asked something to the effect of whether John Proctor was devout in regard to church-going and Rev. Parris, blah, blah. I can’t tell you how many of those kids didn’t know what the word “devout” meant. And many of them asked me what “contempt” meant, too. They’re...

Oct 14th

People. Dumb.

I just saw a dude on TV getting a tattoo of a 6-point buck on his neck. That’s really stupid. Oh, look - Sarah Palin. She’s really stupid, too.

Oct 14th

Sep 11th

Aug 26th

Glad to be in Akron

That’s right, beetches! I love Akron. I was so psyched today, alone in my car, blaring “Gold” just so happy to be alive and home and reveling in the fact that in a little over a month, I’ll be witnessing once again the mindfuck that is Ryan and the Cards. Glad to love Ryan Adams Ryan, you continue to rock my world, man. I can’t stop imagining you...

Aug 26th

Aug 24th

Damn you, Gibbs's

For Dylan’s birthday, Jake and Airika bought him 2 CDs: the “Rock-a-Bye Baby! Metallica” lullabies, and “Kids Bop - 80s”. I appreciate their thoughtfulness (even though I just now realized that I forgot to send them a thank you….), but I also single-handedly blame them for making me suffer through some of the worst travesties known to mankind - turning classic...

Jul 26th

Jul 17th

Jul 11th

Kid's Kuts

God, I totally forgot… I took Dylan to one of those kiddie haircutting places today. His bangs are always in his eyes, and now that the summer is here and it’s hot, his long, golden locks are making him sweat and scratch his neck. So, on a whim, I decided to take him for his first official haircut. The “salon” was nice; all the chairs were like those bouncy animal things...

Jul 11th

Ped Xing

So, I started walking every day about 5 days ago. The first day, I walked 1.37 miles (I mapped it out). The second day, I walked 4.1 miles. It feels good to see that in writing. This week, I’ve walked a total of 9.46 miles on purpose. Will it help me lose weight? I’ve got no idea. But it does feel good to know that I can do it. I’m especially proud of the 4.1 miles.

Jul 11th

Jul 4th

Jun 30th

Bad Chipotle

First off, let me say that I fucking - FUCKING - love Chipotle. I don’t usually like Mexican/Latina-flavored food (I worked at Chi-Chi’s for 2 wasted years. You’d hate it, too), but I could seriously eat crackpotle at least 6 days a week for a minimum of 1 meal per day. But today, I had a disappointing Chipotle experience. The chicken in my burrito was downright bland. The...

Jun 28th

Green

This is going to sound so wrong, I know. But here’s the thing: I cannot stand this new commercialization of “Going Green”. I’ve been GG for a very long time, to the best of my abilities. We recycle every piece of paper, tin can, plastic bottle or aluminum can that passes through this house. Hell, I’m the only teacher in my building who keeps a plastic bottle recycling...

Jun 28th

You gotta fight for your right to par-tay

Ugh. We have Dylan’s second birthday party planned for tomorrow, but it is being threatened by a 60% chance of thunderstorms in the afternoon! We now have to figure out whether to move it to Sunday (only a 40% chance!), or risk it under the flimsy little tent we have. What to do, what to do?? I wish we could have it here at the house, but honestly, it’s just too small for 25-27 people...

Jun 27th

Boombox

So I let Dylan play with the portable CD player thing we have, gave him a few throwaway CDs to play with. He’s obsessed with the classical music for babies one. And he was rockin’ out to the “Rock-a-Bye-Baby U2 Lullabies” CD. “Beautiful Day” on mellotron. Who knew he’d be so hardcore? Um, he also really likes Nancy Sinatra. Okay, so maybe I need to give...

Jun 22nd

Jun 17th

My self-esteem = not

I realized several things about myself this past weekend while at my friend’s bachelorette party: 1. I am socially retarded, unless I have a relaxing cocktail. 2. I am much less socially retarded once I have more than 1 relaxing cocktail. 3. I am way more fun drunk than I am sober. 4. I am not 25. 5. I love to dance. 6. Lesbians are really fun to hang out with. 7. I can still stay awake...

Jun 16th

Cute, actually

Dylan’s singing. He’s a singing fool. He has a whole bunch of teeth now, and his breath stinks if he doesn’t brush ‘em. Not like mine, or any other coffee-drinking, beer-swilling adult, but like bad toddler breath. Ok, it’s not “bad” - it’s just noticeable. He’s so cute, though, I could totally ignore it. He growls a lot. He thinks he’s a...

Jun 4th

Watch

My friend Fred

Jun 4th

1 tag

WOXY 500

The (WOXY.com) 2008 Modern Rock 500 Final Song Listing Every Memorial Day weekend, WOXY.com does a top 500 Modern Rock songs countdown; those who wanna take a peek at the entire list, you can see it below. By the way, all songs that are bolded below are this blogger’s favorites. If you care. 500. Feist - My Moon My Man 499. The Twilight Singers - Teenage Wristband 498. Big Country - In A...

May 29th

Is this really what I do???

“There’s a giant wang on my desk!” Aah, high school. “I’ll sign your restroom pass in a minute, Mike; right now, I’m cleaning a penis off the desk!”

May 29th

Roseola

Sounds pretty, right? nope. Not so much. Dylan’s got it all over his alabaster skin. He’s spotted from head to toe with the rash. Poor kid. It looks worse than it actually is, but still. He looks like he got into a fight with a patch of briars. Or tiny polka-dot people.

May 28th

Less than 6 days...

.. Until the school year is over! Yippee! I’ll miss the little buttholes. I’m excited about next year; I’ve chosen to add Candide - to replace Brave New World (see blog from August, 2007) to my honors classes, as well as The Spoon River Anthology. Yes, this does excite me. I also get to teach Gatsby to 11th graders, and since I love all things Fitzgerald, I plan to blow their...

May 28th

May 24th

Totally over it now

I am. Really. I can live without Ryan’s blog. I’m busy. I have books to read, lessons to plan, tests to grade, a husband to bitch at. A kid to hug. A dog to take outside to poop. I’m surviving. But now I don’t know what to do on the Interweb, so I guess I’ll actually keep up with this thing. Especially with summer coming, and all the free time I’m going to have...

May 24th

Apr 25th

Apr 22nd

Apr 15th

Mar 20th

Mar 19th

idk

I’m empty. I know I should write, but I can’t think of anything to write about. I’m so boring. So bor. ing. and, oh, yah - if you want to email me, give me something to write about, it’s here.

Mar 19th

Time

I don’t have any. I shouldn’t be doing this right now. My kid is, appropriately enough, playing in the cupboards, throwing pots and pans, scratching the precious kitchen floor. I wish he wasn’t afraid of snow; I’d take him out and let him play. He needs to play. Our house is small, stifling. So is snow. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t like it. Too oppressive. Over...

Mar 15th

Chit

What am I supposed to do here?

Mar 15th

My totally anonymous, only for me posts

I’m a high school English teacher. No, I don’t have flawless grammar; no, I haven’t read every play Shakespeare wrote (just most of them); and no, I don’t spend my weekends plowing through Jane Austen novels, searching for symbolism. I’m just a 33-year-old lady with a dumb tattoo and a kid. I’ll write more sometime. Just not right now. Just wanted to start this....

Mar 14th

Old blog, same sentiment

I wrote this almost a year ago. It makes me laugh. 14 Days… …until I have to finish “Brave New World,” the most horrendous piece of shit I’ve ever read. Yes, Mr. Huxley, your book sucks. It is definitely NOT light summer reading. As a matter of fact, I don’t feel at all jaunty while reading it. If I get to choose what my stoods read next year, they are so not...

Aug 14th